#they really do talk about food A LOT
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al-luviec · 21 days ago
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something simple to try to get out of art block (it didn't work)
#alek art#ninjago#zane julien#2024#i am very unhappy with this and sooo in order to feel better i am going to talk about him#system zane is very real to me. i always give him six main alters (but i do believe there is more lol)#systems cannot just pick and choose who front depending on the day i am very aware (i am a system) its more on the nose symbolism#the fifth one crossed out is the ice emperor. in canon he exists in zane's mind as an “alter ego” of sorts which is crazy to me#character has canon dissociative episodes... amnesia... and several different “personalities” / identities? sounds familiar idk#i talked a lot about this hc on my long ass zane hc post thanks for the ask btw npderzane#its not an au its just how i see him so just imagine every zane i draw as system zane. ill only specify it in the tags if its system related#that one post thats like. 'being a did system sucks which one of us poured instant coffee in the bathtub!' thats the average zane experience#he wakes up and everyones like “mannn zane you were going crazyyy on prime empire yesterday” and hes like ??? i did not play any video games#and then he looks at the calender and 6 months have passed. semi true story that happened to me#also alters having incredibly different food preferences is funny. zane doesnt eat anything ever vs boone who eats raw meat sometimes#zane having really weird characterization? and its very inconsistent / bad writing uhhh alek explanation is hes a system and nobody can mask#man its 1 pm :|#i hate this drawing so much i dont even want to look at it but it took time so ill post it#i also have another zane drawing in my drafts i should post. from like 2 months ago???
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sciderman · 9 months ago
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you know i'm kind of obsessed with the tragedy of gwen stacy in the tasm movies because she's - she's such an interesting, tragic creature. we get into it a little in tasm1, that. you know, her father is a police captain - you know, authoritative. incredibly protective of her.
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and looking at it, gwen is constantly the victim of men deciding what's best for her. her father decides it's best for her that she stay away from peter. peter decides it's best too, obviously, even though it hurts. it's not a question of what gwen wants.
thinking of the scene in tasm where gwen confides in peter, as she's cleaning his wounds, that she knows what this is - every day she sees her father strap a badge to his chest and she doesn't know if he's going to make it home or not.
gwen's powerless - she has these men in her life that she loves that are constantly making dangerous decisions that put their own lives in danger, and she's constantly expected to sit by passively and do nothing and pray for them to get home safely. like her own desires don't matter. she wants them to be there, she wants to have a say in what these men do, because she loves them and they're important to her. but she has no power. she knows that what they're doing is noble and good for the world, but she is sidelined and never listened to. she has no superpowers, no badge, and no say in the matter.
and her father gets killed. doing something stupid and heroic. and she wasn't involved, and she was powerless to prevent it. and even still, after his death, he's trying to push gwen out of the way of danger. strip her of agency in her own life. she can't be with peter. she doesn't get a say in the matter.
of course that doesn't work out, and peter and gwen wind up back together - but peter is eaten up with guilt, and still thinks he shouldn't be with gwen because gwen is safer without him, yadda yadda, and gwen is sick of it. gwen is sick of men dictating what becomes of her. what she can and can't have. where she should and shouldn't be. so.
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i always made fun of this bit of script - it's so, so funny.
"i break up with you peter. i break up with you."
i make fun of it all the time, but i get it. i get why it's written this way. the tasm2 script isn't subtle. gwen is pointedly telling peter that she is calling the shots. peter cannot dictate her fate. this is her choice. she breaks up with him. she is the one with power in this dynamic. she is taking the power. she is not his damsel that needs protecting. she is allowed to tell peter what she wants, and make her own decision about what's best for her.
cut to the end, where peter webs gwen to a car. he wants her out of the line of fire. even though she's proven she's helpful and capable, more so than peter. peter wants her out of harms way, so that he can do something heroic and dangerous.
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gwen is SICK of it!! she's going to be heroic and dangerous too. if these men can throw themselves into the line of fire with little care for the people they leave watching helplessly in the rafters than, by god, gwen can do it too. she's not going to watch helplessly as peter fights his battle on his horse, dick swinging, swords drawn. and she's not going to passively sit by as peter gets himself killed because actually, peter's not as smart as he thinks he is.
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he's just stupid enough to take the hits and scrape himself off the pavement afterwards. gwen is the one with the plan. and if gwen weren't there, peter might not have been able to pull everything off. he probably would've eventually taken them down in the end, but he would've definitely taken more of a beating, and more property damage, and potentially, more civilian casualties. it was a good thing gwen was there. female excellence. it's not always about who can take a hit.
of course, in the end up - gwen winds up in peril, and no. she doesn't have powers that can save her. and, these men who try and do everything to protect her - they're fallible. but it was her choice. her choice to do the heroic thing, despite her fragility. her choice to step into the line of fire, without super-strength or spider-reflexes. and i think it's a poetic, heroic way to go.
one thing though, that i feel is mismanaged, almost infuriatingly so – is how underdelivered on gwen's death as a heroic gesture. in the end it becomes more about peter's guilt than it does about gwen's sacrifice. because they still wanted to have the iconic "fall" scene from the comics. so, in the end, gwen becomes powerless. she's mid fall. she can't do anything. she has to wait for peter to save her, in the end.
it's infuriating because captain stacy's death is unfalteringly heroic. he dies to save peter.
gwen puts herself in the line of fire to save peter. in the same way her father did. but she's robbed of the heroic framing her father gets because in the end, she has to be saved. in the end, it isn't framed like she saved peter. it's framed like peter failed to save her.
so we get a peter parker pity party instead of actually, what should be a beautiful, heroic send-off for gwen stacy, who became a hero despite every man trying to sideline her.
tl;dr tasm gwen deserved the same heroic framing her father got but hollywood messed up again because they don't know how to do female hero stories
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daily-hanamura · 11 months ago
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#p4#p4g#persona 4#persona 4 golden#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#so its canon then that yosuke tends to forget to take of himself when he gets busy/stressed/etc then :)#yosuke's already a lanky ass like my guy stop making people worry about you!!!#also i like juxtaposing this against his group cafe date like of wanting to date someone he can look after because its both#bro you cant even take care of yourself#but also yosuke understanding himself enough that to be cared for is to be loved#anyway this is why you should always always have lunch with yosuke and feed him thanks for coming to my ted talk#OK BUT I also love that it's something that yu noticed about yosuke too because its so closely related to how he does. you know.#feed his friends food as a metaphor for love and all that and how yosuke hasnt had much attention (from him) lately#ok jk I'll stop being delulu but also really.#i feel a lot of Feelings about how yosuke and chie are the later members to awaken their 3rd tier#for meta reasons obviously it's also the fact that after maxing out yosuke's slink there arent as many opportunities to hang out#and there are so many good fics of that i slurp it all up#but for yosuke to point it out makes me so. SO.#anyway one final note is also yes i commented about how yosuke wasnt really doing a great job looking after himself but#i also think about his later comment that when people are relying on him it makes him want to do his best for others#and how he says he will always be there for his partner#and it makes me interpret all of that as yosuke being very roundabout in saying that he wants the two of them to look after each other#he's good with his queue
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lynzishell · 8 months ago
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✨Atlas Stephens - Character Sheet✨
TYSM for the tag @onestormeynight This was so fun! 🫶🏻
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Personal
Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty
Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable
Class or Caste: upper/ middle / working / unsure / other
Education: qualified [computer science degree from Foxbury Institute] / unqualified / studying / other
Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet [I mean technically ig, but nothing serious, just some illegal substances at clubs n stuff like that] / yes, but charges were dismissed
Family
Children: had a child or children / has no children [but he's the best uncle there ever was] / wants children
Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings/ sibling(s) is deceased
Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent / not applicable
Traits and Tendencies
extroverted / introverted / in between
disorganized / organized / in between
close minded / open-minded / in between
calm / anxious / in between
disagreeable / agreeable / in between
cautious/ reckless / in between
patient / impatient / in between
outspoken / reserved / in between
leader / follower / in between
empathetic / vicious bastard / in between
optimistic / pessimistic / in between
traditional / modern / in between
hard-working / lazy / in between
cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown
loyal / disloyal / unknown
faithful / unfaithful / unknown
Beliefs
Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic
Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care
Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious [let's just say his past destroyed any chance of that]
Philosophical: yes / no
Sexuality and Romantic Inclination
Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual
Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless
Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable / naïve and clueless / romance suspicious
Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious
Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all
Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all
Abilities
Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none
Literacy Skills: excellent/ good / moderate / poor / none
Artistic Skills: excellent / good/ moderate / poor / none
Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor/ none
Habits
Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / alcoholic
Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / Chain-smoker
Recreational Drugs: never / quit / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict
Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess
Unhealthy Food: never [he's just really not a fan of sweets and stuff tbh] / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater
Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic
Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler
I have no idea who to tag cos I haven't been around as much lately and I don't know who's already done this... so yeah... if you wanna do it, then do it and say I tagged you... and then like, tag me back cos I kinda wanna do this for Ash too... so, really, you'd be doing me a favor 😉🤭💖
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bonefall · 1 year ago
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wait, why can’t a decent amount of the members in proto-thunderclan not hunt?
A lot of them have serious physical disabilities! It's enough that it poses a logistical problem, which they are committed to overcoming together.
Thunder Storm's three legs makes him slower than his companions. He's ferociously powerful, but like a male lion, he has to rely on his "lionesses" to slow a large animal.
Bright Storm has asthma from her heroics trying to save SkyClan cats from a fire. She's taking that from Gray Wing, who is famously the first major death now. Like her son, she has a difficult time with chasing prey.
Bumble is dyspraxic. She's a terrible hunter and fighter and struggles with self-worth because OTHERS used it to dehumanize her, and continues to, even after an entire society forms out of love of her.
Sunlit Frost has permanent nerve damage in his arm from the fire, and ends up working so hard that it makes his disability worse. A bite on the good paw from Snake becomes infected after he refuses to sit out from digging graves after the First Battle; I am planning a chunky B-plot about Sunlit coming to terms with the fact he has to retire early.
That's FOUR major members of a small group with physical disabilities that make hunting hard or impossible. They have a lot of logistical problems that I will actually be exploring solutions to.
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bumblingbabooshka · 7 months ago
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One of the best Voyager scenes to indicate Tuvok & Neelix's dynamic and how I think Tuvok is just as if not more 'annoying'(positive) than Neelix is when Neelix pours Tuvok a fresh squeezed glass of a fruit juice blend and Tuvok's like (paraphrased) "I don't want to drink this." and Neelix is like "Can you please try it?" and Tuvok's like "I don't want to, you're really bad at this sort of thing. It's going to taste bad." and Neelix says that Ensign XYZ said she LOVED it, she even had a second glass! And Tuvok says Ensign XYZ could drink poison without a second thought and Neelix is like "Tuvok could you please just TRY it? Just try a little SIP of it PLEASE??" and Tuvok sighs and rolls his eyes and sniffs it before taking a sip and it turns out he loves it. Turns out it tasted good actually. And then after all that Neelix tries to talk to him over eggs (which he's again cooking fresh for him) and Tuvok tells him he doesn't wanna hear "the life history of his breakfast." Absolutely insufferable this man I would have burned his eggs on PURPOSE!!!!
#I love Neelix so much and I think he and Tuvok are very funny together - irritating4irritating#People say 'Neelix is so pushy with Tuvok!' and you know what? I think Tuvok can handle it. I think maybe he does need to be pushed -#down a flight of stairs. (he's my favorite character and he's so annoying...TUVOK!!!!!)#Tuvok: -kicking and screaming- I don't want to drink the juice!!! It's poison!!! You're trying to poison me!!!!!!!!!#Neelix: Can you please drink the juice. The fresh squeezed juice I made for you Mr. Vulcan??? Can you please???#Tuvok: Fine but if I die it's your fault. If I die from the poison you're FORCING me to drink it's on y- Oh this is delicious actually.#and don't tell me 'Neelix didn't make it SPECIFICALLY for Tuvok' bc I know he didn't but he says#'I'll start squeezing that second glass!' after Tuvok finishes his sip so he IS freshly squeezing it#Neelix: -makes Tuvok fresh squeezed juice-#Tuvok: Are you trying to poison me???#Neelix: -talks to Tuvok while making his eggs-#Tuvok: Can you be quiet???#<- TUVOK!!!!!!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU EHHEHEHEH <3#Tuvok is the most annoying guy ever bc he doesn't care about what people think and is a snob with a lowkey superiority complex#vs Neelix is perceived as annoying (post his relationship with Kes) bc he cares a lot about being useful and helping the crew and sometimes#is too pushy because of that but listen...I think Neelix is sweet and genuinely trying his best - after the Kes plotline with him ends I#really don't find him objectionable. Just chatty & a bit overbearing maybe Meanwhile Tuvok !!!#Meanwhile Tuvok!!!!!!!!! HHEHEHHE#st voyager#star trek voyager#I think they should have done more with Neelix thinking the crew of Voyager were spoiled - specifically how Tuvok acts Like That sometimes#little lord Tuvok. oH SORRY...for DEIGNING to speak while preparing your eggs your HIGHNESS!!#I think people do a disservice to Tuvok by not talking more about how he's kind of a hardass and a snob v_v also a disservice to Janeway#indirectly bc her bestie is kind of a hardass and a snob and what does that say about her??#I also wish Neelix kept up a bit of that 'these people are crazy and also so soft oh my god shut up about the food being bad - we're trying#to SURVIVE!!! Eat the Leola Root!!' from the earlier seasons...I like when he shows he has a bit of bite#It's just funny and interesting that Janeway isn't friends with Tuvok bc he's 'not like other Vulcans' - she's friends with the most#Vulcany Vulcan ever and I love that for them.#CRIMINAL that we don't ever get any in-depth insight into their friendship#Tuvok
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kaissauce · 2 years ago
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with every “kirby kills gods at any minor inconvenience” “kirby is a ruthless killer” “kirby is literally a god” “kirby is a complete unaware infant” joke, i write a word to my fic. that’s how i’ve been able to write so much
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hella1975 · 1 year ago
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the closest ill ever get to being a pick me girl is the joy that fills me when the chefs at work so clearly favouritise me. like im there nicely cleaned up in my smart-casual uniform just a 20 year old waitress smiling my customer service smile and behind me spawns Scary Dog Privilege 10x in the form of several burly middle-aged chefs at least three of which have criminal records and would all stick a bread knife in someone for bothering me
#like it's really funny bc i worked HARD with back of house bc i knew my job would be significantly easier if they liked me#(it speeds your orders through. you can ask for things without being told to fuck off during a rush. they'll get you food on shift etc)#and also there's a stereotype especially in fancier places where floor staff look down on kitchen staff and i think that's shitty#so i was always going to be try with them and be nice but ALSO when i first started my job it was in a peak era so while these days#we're struggling a lot and have had to employ a lot of college kids that dont know what they're doing#when i joined it was all private school girls that would swan about the place very snootily. so the divide between front and back of hosue#was INTENSE when i joined. and there i was a little state school girlie and the chefs immediately recognised that#and took me under their wing. so even though the class angle doesnt exist so much anymore and theres majority state schoolers#im still very much in with the chefs in a way not many of the other floor staff are. and there's also the fact im not scared of them#like chefs ARE rude and a lot of them DONT like or even respect floor staff but i will GLADLY tell them to fuck off if i think it necessary#and that's a language they understand like ironically there's one chef that doesnt get on with ANY of the waitresses#(i talked about him on another post he's the soup one) but he likes me bc when he tried that rude dismissive act i told him to shove it#and now the other waitresses literally SEND ME TO TALK TO HIM when they have questions/want something bc they know he'll listen to me#and me and the head chef are besties and the one kp will talk OVER THE OTHER WAITRESSES' heads and completely blank them#so she can talk to me and it's all just really funny bc the kitchen staff LOVE me and that's not even me being arrogant#it's like a known thing at work that they love me and im just. a 20 year old 5'2 waitress with my little pearl necklace and blouse#and some tattooed ginger mohawked 6ft chef is there getting angry for me when i come in complaining about a table#or the kp that is literally on probation will give me a sticky toffee pudding and tell everyone to leave me the fuck alone LMAO#hella slaves to capitalism
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cator99 · 1 month ago
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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exsqueezememacaroni · 2 months ago
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listening to the mike and andrew clarke convo AGAIN while i do emails and shit and...
i don't WANT to call Mike's restaurant preferences mid...but.....every time i listen to this interview/conversation i can't help but feel that andrew is trying to school him a little on how food culture, and his (andrew's) own food sensibilities have progressed...
i am always listening to this in the background, so there is a high possibility that i am missing something...
edit (read the tags): selfie me at Hoppers in Kings Cross!
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reticent-fate · 5 months ago
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part 11/26ish
anyone remember those scales with the springs in 'em? all i ever see these days are digital scales but those things made the best noises. i think i've seen some kitchen scales that still use spring mechanisms, but it's been a while.
technology is weird.
from the beginning
#otherkin hrt#fictionkin hrt#fictionkin#otherkin#digihrt#dg arts#-apomon#updates might slow down from daily since our brain ceased letting us do art about halfway through bfsdhjfbjshdbfs#oh well#i'm thinking of doing another fake in-universe pamphlet for a bonus though#specifically like talking about the “weight” stat#fun fact: we'd never stepped on a scale in almost a decade before finally seeing a doctor for the first time in that 10 years last year#we used to obsess over our weight in a way inherited from our mom's diet culture BS and then like#i'm pretty sure we split someone in the system who just managed to not give a shit#and everyone else that did basically got put in time out or fragmented to hell (we still don't know)#i think about this post i saw a while ago that talked about how like#weight (specifically as it is medicalized) shouldn't be a concern so much as if you're moving your joints and stretching them enough#and it should really only be a concern when it drastically changes in a short period of time because it can sometimes be indicative of#your body flipping its lid#the post talked about rapid weight loss specifically and how a lot of doctors will go “oh wow weight loss!! yay :)” when like.#no??? not yay???#anyways some medications can cause weight fluctuations too#our fibro medication can cause weight gain and tbh i don't give so much of a shit about that as i am curious about the mechanics behind it#our relationship to weight is mostly informed by being the one person in our family who never had to deal with fatphobia targeting them#but just because we weren't the target didn't mean it didn't affect us when our mom's whole life shifted around WW#i didn't want to delve into that in this comic tbh so aside from the little bonus pamphlet this is the last time it's brought up#but like a comic where we take a version of ourself through this kind of transition would inevitably have to touch on relationships to food#we're just lucky we finally found out that we can actually like... enjoy food without it hurting us?#part of the wish fulfillment of this scenario would (and is) the idea of getting to enjoy food without bodily discomfort#because on top of us almost developing an ED we also just have a garbage stomach
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danielnelsen · 3 months ago
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things aren’t going well with peach. while i think my dad’s very right to be concerned that she hasn’t eaten anything in nearly 60 hours (obviously i am too), im becoming increasingly concerned that she hasn’t slept at all in around 36 hours and prior to that she was under anaesthetic, which isn’t exactly restful, so it’s closer to 48 hrs
like dad took her back to the vet today and we’ve got injections for her painkillers now because she’s not eating, and also injections for fluids (because she doesn’t drink; she only gets water from her food), so the not eating is Bad but also kinda under management, but if she doesn’t sleep soon i’m extremely worried. dad was like ‘if she doesn’t eat by tomorrow afternoon we’ll take her back because the injections will run out’ but like. if she doesn’t sleep tonight we have GOT to take her back first thing in the morning so they can sedate her or something
#her pain doesn’t seem to be too bad now that she’s got pain relief so idk what’s stopping her from sleeping#she won’t even lie down unless i’m sitting next to her. she just sits there staring out the window#her pupils are also taking up her entire eyes and have been all day#that’ll be a side effect of the medication and maybe the lack of sleep? but it won’t be making her feel any better#she can probably barely see at this point#like imagine you’ve been awake for 2 days after surgery and you’re in a lot of pain and haven’t eaten since before surgery#and are also on strong painkillers. and you also have no idea what’s wrong with you or why everyone’s doing things that hurt you#bruh your brain would be COOKED. there’s no way she has any idea what’s going on rn but she’s clearly feeling terrible#personal#like i think she’ll be ok in the long-term but she’s gotta somehow get through all these immediate issues#last time something like this happened she stopped drinking and never started again#not eating or sleeping don’t have workarounds as simple as putting water in her food#it really doesn’t help that there’s so much other shit going on rn#i’m doing a whole bunch of stuff with my phone and computer that’s taking a lot of work#but also my sister’s going on a long overseas trip that she’s leaving for tomorrow#so the combo of dad and sister coming and going constantly and also like 6 random deliveries for tech stuff in the last 2 days—#has the dogs really wound up. so georgie’s been howling at absolutely everything#and it’s rainy so my clothes aren’t trying and they’re hanging on a rack hooked on the hallway door so the door can’t close#which puts one less door between my room and the dogs so they’re waking me up every time anything happens#and i sleep during the day so that’s ALL THE TIME. i’ve had like 8 hrs of sleep between the last two afternoons#my sister always has so much random life stuff she wants to talk about and was getting really annoyed that i wasn’t very receptive#like ‘im about to go away for 3 months’ sorry i know its a big thing but i can’t just reschedule peach’s medical emergency
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bleakbluejay · 5 months ago
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you guys gotta learn to be a lot cooler about religions that aren't your own
and yes. that does include christianity.
#eli talks#And I Mean It.#the priority obviously is to get cooler about islam and judaism and all. like the religions that get oppressed?#but that firsthand and secondhand religious trauma is making a lot of people very not cool anymore#it makes a lot of people kind of. assholes. even.#white ppl who grew up baptist or catholic or mormon or whatever else that are now athiests will like#talk about how evil religion is. how toxic. how controlling. only really meaning christianity.#bc that's the only religion that really exists to them. as ex-christians.#they ignore the way various black and indigenous ppl have fused their traditions and customs with christianity to survive#they ignore the positive teachings of christianity like charity and reserving judgement and kindness and patience#they ignore the positive elements of religious organization like community-building. fund-raising. finding meaning.#and it's ok to have religious trauma. sucks that it happened. but there's nothing wrong with you being traumatized.#can you for the love of god stop making that everyone else's problem though?#like . can you be normal about how other people choose to interact with the world?#can you be normal about the culture other people practice? the foods they eat? clothes they wear? rituals they perform?#can you like. not try to trick a jewish person into eating pork? can you not ban hijab?#can you just clench your teeth and not say anything mean to someone praying before a meal?#can you keep your comments to yourself when someone says they are going to pray for your hardships to lessen?#when an indigenous person mentions a ceremony they did or a practice they do. can you not call it mumbo jumbo? maybe?#can you abstain from calling a catholic creepy for the ash on their forehead?#idk. i feel a certain way about this.
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suffercerebral · 6 months ago
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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dw-flagler · 5 months ago
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gross thought but like what do you think would happen if taylor got a parasite. like a tapeworm. one of the ones that hatches in the human body. cause her power doesn't detect larvae or eggs i don't think so she wouldn't know about it if she drank dirty water or something.
again gross thought but i'm thinking about her like detecting through her power a tapeworm hatching in her own stomach. or intestines. wherever tapeworms live. what would you do about having a tapeworm in your stomach and knowing about it from the moment it hatches from its egg. like do you let it die? cause she controls it so she can just make it so it doesn't eat any food and it starves to death. does that make it worse does that kill you
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millionsknives · 1 year ago
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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry
#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages#i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3#might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year#just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like#please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL#things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart#i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything#all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared#just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself#i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try#but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal#i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.
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